Friday, May 29, 2015

Midnight (Five Minute Friday)

If having the blues means feeling a little sad, then most of my life must be indigo.

I have neutral days and valleys, but the mountain tops are rare.

A lot of people who've never been clinically depressed don't understand what it's like.  So here it is, in my experience.

I'm underwater, drowning, not necessarily wanting to resurface.  (Thank the Lord I haven't been in the "not wanting to resurface" place for a long time!)

I'm in an absolutely dark room with no idea how long the door will stay locked.

I'm crying for no apparent reason, unmotivated to do anything but stare at the wall, not wanting to see or talk to anyone.

Someone can tell me that everything is okay and there's no reason to be sad, but it just doesn't make sense to me in that moment.  I KNOW that circumstances are okay, but that doesn't heal the chasm in my heart.

All I can do is lean into the Lord and know that He will never leave me nor forsake me.  Even though he seems incredibly distant, I keep seeking Him and reminding myself that He is the God of all comfort.  And I just keep breathing.

Click through the link for more Five Minute Friday, a chance to free-write for five minutes and meet other writers brave enough to play along!

 Five Minute Friday

4 comments :

  1. "All I can do is lean into the Lord and know that He will never leave me nor forsake me."

    I have spent so much of my life leaning into the Lord. Between us - you, me, and all those with similar experiences - we will arrive in heaven and laugh at the groove in His shoulder He has let us make.

    Thank you for this glorious post. Revealing that we are in need of constant redemption and propping up is vital. I'll keep you in my prayers. Please pray for me.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts, Drusilla. It's always a blessing to know that I'm not alone in this. Thanks for praying, and I will certainly pray for you, as well.

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  2. I am so sorry that you feel that way. True enough, some days are better than other for me, but I have so many good that the bad are few... i will keep you in my prayers that you have days full of yellows, pinks and purples (happy colors to me right now )
    Keep your head up. Know that HE IS WITH YOU.
    HUGS AND LOVE

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