I have neutral days and valleys, but the mountain tops are rare.
A lot of people who've never been clinically depressed don't understand what it's like. So here it is, in my experience.
I'm underwater, drowning, not necessarily wanting to resurface. (Thank the Lord I haven't been in the "not wanting to resurface" place for a long time!)
I'm in an absolutely dark room with no idea how long the door will stay locked.
I'm crying for no apparent reason, unmotivated to do anything but stare at the wall, not wanting to see or talk to anyone.
Someone can tell me that everything is okay and there's no reason to be sad, but it just doesn't make sense to me in that moment. I KNOW that circumstances are okay, but that doesn't heal the chasm in my heart.
All I can do is lean into the Lord and know that He will never leave me nor forsake me. Even though he seems incredibly distant, I keep seeking Him and reminding myself that He is the God of all comfort. And I just keep breathing.
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