Oh, how I long for a do-over of certain parts of my son's life!
When he was born, I was so heavily medicated that I missed most of those first few precious days. It took me, like, three days to realize why I was so groggy and ask the doctor to get that medication out of my IV. (Apparently you can decline oral medications, but the nurse can't stop an IV med without doctor approval.) I want those days back.
When I look at videos of my son's toddler years, I see myself as a much lighter-hearted person. I haven't laughed like that in years. I want that time back. I want to get help sooner, instead of spending ten years in darkness.
We've done some things right, and we've done some things wrong. We've done things of which my memory is fuzzy. I long for a second chance to get it right.
Next week my son will be 17. He's getting ready for college. He's been learning to drive (the driving age in NJ is 17), and he's doing very well. His childhood is virtually over. I long for another chance to cherish the time, to get it right, to get help for my own issues before I miss so much.
If you'd like to catch up with my 31 Days posts so far, here's the Table of Contents:
September 29: Intro
October 1: Which Way Are You Moving?
October 2: Views (breast cancer)
October 3: Shiny New
October 4: Learning (breast cancer)
October 5: Stuck
October 6: We Think We Know (breast cancer)
October 7: Just GO
October 8: Say It (public speaking)
October 9: When It's Hard to Join (public speaking)
October 10: Why Do I Care?
October 11: One-Way Street
October 12: Rest For My Soul
October 13: Housework: Friend or Foe?
October 14: Getting Away
October 15: Twenty-Five Seven
October 16: Life Adjustments