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I've always had a hard time being open with people, because it brings too much vulnerability. Afraid of getting hurt, I've entrusted very few close friends with my deepest thoughts and secrets. For years, that was my friend Meri. Of course my husband was added to the loop when we met. That was it.
Then my depression got much worse, and I had to get help. I started talking to a counselor. At first I said--because I believed--that everything was fine, and my depression was strictly biological. I think it took nearly a year of conversation and digging to bring out the problems that contributed to my depression. Some of those are from my childhood (which was quite normal) and some were more current. But revealing those things, once I realized they were there, was still difficult. Out of necessity, I did it. I'd added another confidant to my "list."
Since then I've been trying to be more transparent, even opening up here. Writing on a blog which anyone in the world can read. Scary stuff, but so worth it.
STOP
I had more to say when I ran out of time! But rules are rules, and maybe I'll pick this up another day. (Edited 5/29/14 to add: The followup is in Wallpapering Over the Hurt.) In the meantime, click through Lisa-Jo's link to read more FMF posts.
Yes, it's hard to find people you trust , but if they are a real treasure !
ReplyDeleteIt sure is hard to open up to people and learn to trust! Especially when you've been burned by people in the past! It's something I'm also still learning to do. I really liked your post and I agree that you should revisit this topic again in the future (I plan to do the same with some of my posts). :)
ReplyDeleteopening up is a very hard thing to do... trust is one of my main problems... i have a hard time trusting anyone
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