Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Wounded

This week Faith Barista Bonnie Gray's writing prompt is Wounded.  Coincidentally (or not), just this week I described myself that way.  This wound is still very fresh, and I don't want to get into much detail for fear of ripping off the scab that's just now beginning to form.  I can, however, tell you how I'm coping with it.

'Bleeding Heart!' photo (c) 2008, Jon Åslund - license: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/Feeling betrayed by a trusted friend, I talked with my husband--for hours upon hours.  Most of our conversation was about resolving the underlying issue, rather than focusing on the wound itself.  It wasn't pretty:  there were plenty of tears.  We did reach a solution that I hope will work.

If you know me, you know that I am fiercely loyal to the people I love, both family and friends.  If friendships ended over every disagreement, I surely wouldn't have any friends.  I have expressed my hurt to my friend, and we're talking about it.  I keep reminding myself that "Faithful are the wounds of a friend ..." even though that's not what my heart feels right now.  [See this post for the resolution.]

The other wound that comes to mind happened several years ago.  I was part of a group where I had a handful of friends.  I was emailing with Tina (names changed) about something, and she wanted to include Tammy in the loop.  When Tammy replied, she hit Reply All.  In her message, she absolutely slammed me and my family.  I'm sure Tina read the message, but she wisely kept silent.

Then I cried.  "How could she do this to me?  I thought we were friends!"  And this is what the Lord brought to my mind:  "[I]f one has a complaint against another, [forgive] each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."

I answered Tammy in the calmest way I could, and she realized what had happened.  She asked my forgiveness and I forgave her.  The next time I saw her, she hugged me and said "Thank you."  It hasn't been mentioned since then.  We haven't been best buddies--we never were--but a few years after this we worked together on a small project with no conflict whatsoever.

Even before I knew Christ, I was never one to carry a grudge.  It just takes too much energy, and it's of no use.  Now I also know that God doesn't waste our pain, and I know that He will use these incidents for something good.  In the moment, it sure hurts.  However, I am grateful that the Lord gives us the grace to forgive as He has forgiven us.  He has given us the gift of forgiveness, so how can we not pass it on?  We will still be wounded sometimes, but we don't have to stay that way.

Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down
...
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'

7 Comments :

Michelle said...

I certainly can relate to this. Been wounded by more "friends" than I care to admit. It's to a point where I just feel so unlovable. I'm working through it but its hard. We are memorizing The Lord's prayer in school and I had to stop one day and explain to the kids what "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors" means. Christ paid off in full our debt, not only that--but has shown us kindness we didn't deserve by giving us his righteousness. No matter what we do, how we sin, Christ has made us 100% righteous just like himself. So how can we not forgive others who offend and wound us? Man, that is hard some days for me to swallow. I am working through a friendship, although I wouldn't call it a friendship anymore. It's more shallow. We were best of friends but I have come to the conclusion that this person is a drama queen and wants attention and my only personal experience is to stay away from people like that. I'm not sure what the answer is for me here because I am in self-preservation mode, but I'm not wishing this person ill. I just don't trust her. And I think she doesn't trust me either. So when we see each other at church, its so awkward and weird. She gives me the fake smile and fake hug and I fake smile back and say hi even though I'd rather she not have come up to me at all. Honestly, its tough! But there was a situation where she used me to pump me for information on a mutual friend and it turned out to be this horrible experience and now that friend and this woman and I are not friends. The entire group of us is not talking to each other. The other family left the church because they felt jaded. And in the end, I felt totally responsible even though it took all three of us to break the whole thing apart. So now trust is broken and I'm not sure I can go back. In their place though, I have found better friendships although I'm definitely more guarded. I am learning that if I have no friends who I can trust, its ok. I have Jesus who can listen to me and does a better job anyway. Well sorry for my long ramble. Thanks for your post. :)

Lisa notes... said...

Being wounded by friends is one of the worst feelings ever. So sorry you have a fresh wound. I guess as long as we're here in the flesh and open in our hearts, we'll always be susceptible to pain. The only alternative is to wear armor, and we don't want to do that either. Praying for your healing and thankful for your heart to not carry grudges!

HisFireFly said...

wounds inflicted by loved ones cut deep
praying that as you release it all to Him you feel sense His love bathe all the hurting paces

Mandy said...

Forgiveness can be so hard, especially when the wound comes from a loved one like a friend. Thanks for your example of grace and forgiveness. Praying for your heart!

Trudy Den Hoed said...

Melissa, I'm so sorry about the betrayal of your friend. I know it hurts big time. Praying for your healing and comfort from our Friend who will never betray us or hurt us.

Renee said...

So painful when friends betray friendships. Forgiveness is hard but is a way to take care of ourselves! Praying for your heart to heal.

~ Noelle said...

hope you are getting better... i hate to admit, but I do hold anger far longer than i should have...
I am trying to do better, but it is easier to say than to do.

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