When sorrows come, they come not single spies
But in battalions. ...
(William Shakespeare, in Hamlet)
I think Shakespeare got that right!
It's been nearly two months since I finished my radiation therapy, and nearly all of the side effects have subsided. As they've decreased, though, we have had to deal with several other challenges. Some have been just bumps in the road. The one that has tripped me up and thrown me to the ground is the return of my depression.
For several months my doctor hadn't adjusted my meds. With the cancer treatments going on, it didn't make sense to try to make those changes. Now the addition of tamoxifen has added a new factor to the mix: because it acts on hormones, it affects everything. So we're back to trying to find the right combination of meds, and every change takes at least a month to evaluate.
I don't know how long this will lastI'm praying for the pain to passBut maybe this is the best thing that has ever happened to me...Maybe this is how it startsI find you when--You will find me when--I fall apart- Josh Wilson, "Fall Apart"
This has not brought a revelation, but a reminder: I have to rely on what I know--such as the promises that God gives us in His Word--and not on what I feel. I know that He has a purpose for this, even though I don't understand it. I may wish that life wasn't so hard, but I trust the Father who holds me in His hands.
My life may be a mess, but God is still God.